My now best friend?

Do you ever feel lonely in a group of friends?

Do you ever feel like you cant fit in even with your close friends?

Do you ever feel like people hate you?

You can feel the aura of hatred whispering “nobody likes you” and there’s nothing you can do but cry on the inside.

Do you ever feel like no one remembers you?

No one to talk to. No one cares. No one you can really trust.

I don’t want to fall deep inside this darkness again. I hate it.

I don’t want to cry myself to sleep. I don’t want to think about the “what ifs”.

I just want to run away from it all. And I wonder if I can cure myself from this.

Secretly I know. I know what calms me. It’s doing the opposite : shout and cry until I’m weak.
But I can’t really do that. I even thought of buying some medicines, going to a therapist but all that costs me money. And I ain’t paying for a therapist. Besides, it’s not like I can pour my soul and heart out to a stranger aite?

What feeling assured to God does to me...

My life has been a heck of a ride for the past few months but I learned new things and develop feelings for God that I never knew existed. What I mean by that is I was always skeptical of the future and what kind of rezeki I'm going to have. Yeah, I know we can't feel that way but hey, we all have different problems so don't judge. My mom keep telling me to feel assured (read: YAKIN) on the things that Allah will give me in the future, I just have to work hard and keep praying for the best. I pray and doa but the feeling of yakin is not there. I remember thinking and feeling Yakin with what exactly? My worry at that time was internship. I was not confident about the internship placement in the companies that I applied because I felt as though I'm not up to their standards :(

So one day after I prayed Zuhur, I cried so hard until my eyes were sore asking Allah to forgive my sins and just talking to Him about my worries. I remember saying "Ya Allah aku yakin kau akan berikan tempat intern yang terbaik buat diriku." and I didn't just say it, I FELT it as well. I was like, I applied for the companies that I see fit and now it's time to let go. 

That same day after I cried I had to get ready for my class. As I was doing my makeup, I got a call. It was one of the company that I applied for! They wanted to know if I'm free for an interview and of course I said yes. The next day, I got another call from 2 companies in the same day and I actually messed up the pre-interview for one of them so that's that hahaha
In total for that week, I got 3 calls but only passed 2. That means I have 2 face-to-face interviews on the same week. Alhamdulillah, I got accepted in one of the companies and I already signed the contract. The following week after, I got an email from another company which I had to decline. Can you see how many companies approached me while I trust and feel assured in Allah? And I'm not saying 4 companies will approach you too but it just feels like a miracle after I put my trust in Him and just let go. ❤😭 My heart feels whole and I'm just so grateful for the feeling that He gave to me and it just feels so good that it's hard to put it in words.

What I'm trying to say is, we need to work for it and let go. We can't feel any doubt  towards Allah because He knows what's best for us. To my friends (or anyone that's reading this) that are still looking for an internship, or anything that you're seeking for, I pray the best for you. Remember, work hard + doa + trust in Him + let go. Goodluck! :)

⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼

A little rant:
Btw, this short semester is my last sem in UNITEN Muadzam Shah and I feel really excited about leaving this place but at the same time kind of nervous because I'm going to start my internship on 6 May 2019. Yup, you got that right. The first day of Ramadhan is my first day of internship. Hoping it brings me more barakah along the way during my internship I mean haha

I'm mostly nervous about making new friends since I always mingle with the same group of friends here in my uni so to start all over again with the "hi what's your name" is nerve wrecking. My anxiety is seriously kicking in as I type this hahaha but I hope it's going to be just fine. 

A Test from Him

I know that this is just another test from Allah but man, it hurts. 

I know I can get this over with, shutting down everything I need to. 

   it just needs some adjustment.

I need to guard my heart from now on and not bow down to the idea of 'love' nowadays. 

The friends that left me will always have a special place in my heart though some left me like I never existed when I didn't know what I did wrong...I guess I never will but my heart is content with that.

and some left me because they have girlfriends and it's fine. If I were the girl I would be mad when my boyfriend still contact other girls. So I understand 😂 

They say people come and go in our life to give us a lesson. So thank you for all the lessons peeps. 

I guess Allah misses me and I've been too busy chasing people instead of Him. 

 

A Letter to the Heartbroken

Him. 

I didn’t say a name, but he still pops up on your mind didn’t he? 

It’s going to be hard for you to trust again, to love, and to stay.
Maybe you just got out of a breakup, maybe you have for years. It still hurts.

You’re going to be cautious of the words that spills out of people’s mouth.
You’re going to promise yourself not to love again. Or be in a relationship again.
You’re going to get out of the relationship before the other person dumps you.
(Maybe it’s repeating and you’re getting really tired of all this).

Maybe this is your first heartbreak. Maybe it isn’t. People think you’ve gotten used to it, but you can’t. No matter what or who you’re with; it still hurts.

But you’re going to lie to other people; fake smiles and laughs got you through the day.
The only time you let down your happy mask is when you’re alone.
Crying, sobbing while listening to breakup songs. When you know that no one cares.

It’s a lie if he didn’t crossed your mind today or every other day.
You kept yourself busy but by the end of the day, he still creeps in your mind.
They say time heals. I say that’s all bullshit. If you’re not doing anything for yourself, how can time heal anything? Time doesn’t do shit. It’s you that have to bounce back.

Make him regret dumping you.
Don’t blame yourself for what has happened. That’ll only make the parasites creep to your mind; slowing down your healing process.
I hope you stay true to yourself, when no one is.
I hope you stay by your own side, when no one is.

Some people take months, years to heal. I know that no one can completely heal. There’s still some wounds left in us, deep inside. Don’t touch the wound.

Some day, whenever that is, I hope that you can love again. But promise me to never trust someone 100%. No one deserves your 100%. Put some trust to yourself. And most importantly, stay.
If someone deserves your trust and love, then stay.

Unless there’s a reason not to.

-Izyan Najwa.

(all words are made by my own damn self. Please give me credit such as link my blog whenever you want to post this).

Why Does "Love" Hurts?

This post is not about God's love. It's about human love.


Love.

A simple word, yet complicated at the same time to experience it, or for those that are still experiencing it.

If love is nice, why does it hurt?
    In order for us to take something so beautiful yet so delicate, we have to sacrifice something: our        heart.
   
We experienced love as well as heartbreak. It doesn't matter if you're experiencing a breakup or you're fighting with your loved ones. It doesn't necessarily need to be your girlfriend or boyfriend, it can be with your family and friends too. Your heart still breaks and that's what hurts.

You would do anything to make things right again. Some has a fairy tale ending, others are still in the middle of the book desperate to find their own beautiful ending. But honey, not all endings need to be beautiful.
Why? Well, because things happen for a reason. If you don't feel like you're gonna have a happy ending, then you just have to search for it on your own.

As for me, I'm still trying to figure out how to handle love. A bit overwhelming and exciting at the same time but sad as well.

All I know, is that love is like a puzzle, You have to know which piece fits with which.
                                                                                                                              -Izyan Najwa-

Turns 20

Assalamualaikum and hello

So, yesterday marks the day I was born. 25 April. First of all, I would like to thank my family and my friends, and my housemates for the birthday wishes (even though no one reads this blog but meh whatever). And thank you Thiviya sbb belanja I hehe. Thank you again and love you guys (even though one of my best friend tk wish? padahal aku wish awal kot birthday yg sorg ni, dh2 la tu balas dendam hahaha. yes, i'm talking to you, qai.)

I don't feel like it's my birthday tho. Maybe because we're too busy to think about finals this 2nd May. And because 20 doesn't feel like an adult. Feels the same every birthday of mine hahaha

Let's hit down memory lane shall we?

I used to be so annoying, laughing way too much on something that's not even funny to others, always thinking negatively about other people and myself, was too skinny and dark, and all that disgusting awful things.

But now, Alhamdulillah I tried to reduce my laughter, think positively about others, have a lighter skin now, and I am proud to say that I have reached my ideal weight of 46kg! Yay me! (susah aku nak naik berat, aku ada fast metabolism). About the annoying part, I think that it is still a trait in me. Hahaha
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This is going to be a letter written from the writer herself.
Here goes nothing:


Dear Writer,
Block your ears even if you can hear them. Throw away the people who hurt you. You are a very special person, indeed. Don't mind the people who said you aren't pretty or beautiful. God has created you perfectly, from head to toe. So please stop complaining. Whoa.

Dearest writer,
You are freakin' jealous of your friends that have more than you? Wishing you were them? Stop it, it's not healthy. Be proud of who you are and don't let anyone guards you down. Allah tells you to be patient. If you obey Him, you'll get the things you want in the hereafter. InsyaAllah.

Writer that has so many problems,
Try to put God first before anyone else. He is your first priority. We have to have fear in our soul, body and mind. Fear to God not fear to human beings. They are nothing compared to Him. 

Writer that has too many insecurities,
Be your motivation as to work harder for the world and the hereafter. I know you cried every night before you go to sleep, and that's fine, but don't let that questions and chants to feel bad about yourself and ashamed for who you are. (Writer: Aku dari dulu lagi malu oii) Whoa. Rahsia ni biarla disimpan seketat-ketatnya. (Writer: BM failed)

Lastly,
Be proud of who you are. Be a very kind daughter to your mom. Jangan jadi anak derhaka okay? Time tu, tiada sapa yang akan ejek hang, sebab hang pandai. Mesti mak hang bangga dengan hang.Oh and another thing, try to think positive and not jump to your stupid conclusions. So you're 20 now. You can start searching for your jodoh lol (Writer: jokes on me). Love yourself, love others. 

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Gosh, I feel naked. It may seem nothing to you but to open up like this is a huge deal to me. I've always put up my walls because I was so afraid to get myself hurt. There are a few people that are willing to break it down and I'm very thankful to them for wanting to know more about me and willing stay with me till this day. Even though I'm never the type to say what I feel, but I truly feel loved and I just wanted to say I love you guys. May our friendship lasts till Jannah, Aminn. I'm blessed.

Tiba-tiba je kan emo malam-malam ni haha. Sekali sekala post about my thoughts.

NEW ZEALAND DAY 3

Hi and Assalamualaikum there!

19 May 2016

Started the day with a not so hot shower and packing all of our luggage to check out of our lodge at 10am. But before anything, we had a last photo session with the breathtaking view of Lake Tekapo.

We headed our way down the road by stopping to take pictures because we were heading to Lake Pukaki. It was so beautiful and majestic. Oh and this is where we take pictures on the road because there were hardly any cars there. Tapi time kakak aku tengah ambik gambar, kereta semua berderet dekat belakang. sampai kena horn la hahaha. It was embarassinglly funny at that time. How can I not notice the cars? Oh wait, maybe because I was so caught up on posing and looking my best for the camera lol. But it was worth it. Hoho

Then after a long ass drive, we went trekking at Mount Cook Aoraki. And by "trekking", I mean walking, panting and snapping pictures. There was a thin,small bridge waiting for us at the start and we saw 2 guys jogging up the mountain with their short shorts. I just gaped at them . Seriously? It was 2 degree celsius with snow and it was effing cold. It wasn't just me who stared, other people did too. I think they're insane.

After a 30 minutes of trekking, we headed back to our new hotel because we had to pray Zuhur and Asar as Maghrib is at 5.21pm. So we had to hurry and pray. (But mainly because we're tired). The hotel is like a home with a kitchen for everyone to share. So cozy. I love it there. Reminds me in the USA.

As we had a very tiring and long day, we crashed really early. I for some reason, couldn't sleep that much. It's like, I was tired but my eyes don't want to obey my mind. I forgot when I fell asleep, but eventually I did.

Day 2 in NEW ZEALAND

Hi and Assalamualaikum evelibadi :)

So...with a lot of months neglecting my post about NZ, here I am. Starting from day 2.

18 May 2016

Today is a new day. Pretty much excited about this whole trip. (Not that I'm not excited on the first day..) Anyways, we woke up at 4am because our bus is at 5am and we have to catch the plane at 6:45am to go to Christchurch. It was pretty horrible to woke up that early but thank goodness for the hot shower :)

After riding the bus, we arrived at the airport and of course took pictures because who doesn't want to keep their memories right? My sister actually rented a car, a Nissan Sylphy, to be exact, for 10 days. So we waited for the Apex Car Rental to pick us up from the airport. We waited outside for I can't remember how many minutes. Probably half an hour? And yeah, it was freezing outside. Soon, the wait is over. A woman picked us up and we headed to the car rental place. After my sister has finished signing all of the papers and paid the money, the worker there showed us the car and the minor damages that was already there. She rented a GPS too so it would be a lot easier for us so we wouldn't get lost. Duh. Then my sister started driving.

We already planned on what to eat. Kebab for dinner. We also went to Pak n Save to buy groceries to cook. Now, the cooking was done by her. Not me. Heh. And of course being the good photographer I am, I took pictures along the way to the hotel because the scenery was incredibly breathtaking. You can't stop taking pictures, it's like you're addicted or something. Sometimes, we stopped to take pics of us laying down on the road. You wouldn't believe it if I told you that hardly any cars are there. We even laid down on the road! <--- third day actually baring atas jalan. Crazy exciting. Actually, my sister would stop the car anywhere and everywhere beautiful and we posed for the memories.

After the drive, we arrived at our hotel. Our hotel is actually a lodge. It has everything. When my sister was checking in, we met a very big and frozen-fur-cat. Her fur was like Garfield. She was so cute and very friendly. People that know me, know that I am afraid of cats. But she was different. I think it may be due to the fact that she was fat. Hahaha
She was friendly because when I hold out a hand to her (I didn't call her), she went and rub her head on me. The funny thing was, her fur was frozen! Hahaha she was so cute. I wish I have a picture of her. But I don't because our phone was on low battery even though I still had 60% left. Our iPhones was crazy because maybe they couldn't get used to the temperature there. (Maybe dah biasa rasa panas so terkejut dia bila dia duduk kat tempat sejuk lol) and our camera was dead.

So, after oohing and aahing over the cat, we took our luggage to the lodge and immediately went outside to take pictures. Lake Tekapo. The most beautiful, bluest lake I have ever seen. Oh and we also took pics in front of a church. An hour outside taking pics, I guess. Then we went to the lodge, clean ourselves up and went to sleep as we had to check out the next morning at 10am. Our bodies were tired.

Empty field 

    

Lake Tekapo. The view in front of our lodge

Lake Tekapo

Degree Life

hey there.

hmm, I've just entered degree life for almost two weeks now.
all in all, the classes were okay. I just don't like marb class too much because the lecturer is too upbeat and excited... and to the people that know me, I'm like one of those quiet people in the class and I only speak up when I need to. So, I tend to be in a low battery mode when I'm in that class. I just can't keep up with people's excitement! hahaha

The words I hate the most right now is: "Market yourself." lol

And with the objectives yang mdm tak approve kan lagi, so tak boleh nak start sikit2 about our assignment. 25 pages minimum kauuu. Because time foundy dulu, tak pernah buat 25 pages of assignment so this is something new. Just praying that tomorrow mdm will approve of our objectives so we can start working on our assignment hehe ;) Ya know, I don't want the same mistake to happen again for this sem. (very very low marks for assignment)

So yeah... haven't got much to talk about. Since my life isn't as exciting as other people hahaha jk

My Rezeki

Assalamualaikum peeps.

Haven't post in a while and now I'm back to tell you about our new business.

I have always wanted to start a business about the things I love and now the dream has come true :)

To those who might know about the business, the owners are actually my mom and my aunt. But since I play a big role in it, it has 3 owners: my mom, my aunt and me. :)

We started in September 2016 with only RM1000 as a business capital. From there, I started to shamelessly promote the instagram and facebook of our business. You know, to gain followers and of course sales.

Alhamdulillah, even though we haven't reach 1000 followers yet, we are continuously updating about our products, in case someone wants to buy our products. The key is to never give up, work hard and trust in God.

Biasala, mula-mula berniaga memang slow. :)

So to those who are still reading this post, we sell shawls and original Sugarbelle Cosmetics. Our business name is "Rozza Vision Shoppe" combining my mom and my aunt's name together. Besides, it is SSM Registered so you can trust us ;)

Our Logo :)

Free Postage for order above RM200!

Rozza Vision Shoppe Instagram
Rozza Vision Shoppe Facebook

There are more colors! Head over to our ig

Thank you for visiting and have a nice day xx

Day 1 in New Zealand

Hi :) It's been 4 months of procrastination of updating my holiday in New Zealand so here goes!


17 May 2016

We (my sis and I) took AirAsia and stopped in Queensland for a little bit. Then we were on board again and we headed to Auckland Airport. The first thing that we did is took pictures of the sign that says 'Auckland' as a proof that we were there. Then we were feeling hungry so we decided to buy us some Subway for dinner (don't worry it's halal) and buy Vodaphone for the Internet. The process was really quick, I was surprised!

Then I asked a woman that worked there (obv she's behind a desk) on what bus to take to get to our hotel. And so we waited outside in the chilling air for an hour because we had to wait for the right one to come along as we don't want to waste our money on bus fares. Oh hell no! The funny thing was, we didn't have coins to begin with but the ticket machine only accept coins so the driver was like "It's okay you guys can pay when we get to the hotel." So we did just that, with the help of the bus driver of course.

Once we went inside the hotel, I can't help but gaped at how small it was. Tiny. But it didn't really matter as we were only there for the night. Tapi nak solat tu, susah sikit la. But I don't have to worry about it as I am small muehehe ;)  After all that, I forced myself to clean up and sleep as we had to wake up at 4am to catch the 5am bus for tomorrow morning. But before we slept, we took turns talking to Mom and told her how our day went.

That ends the end of the first day. Let the pictures speak for itself.

The bus. 

Small, but cute (I guess) 

That's it. Thanks to those who read till the end. I know, it's not much for a first day but what do you expect? Don't worry, there's more to come!

   

A Dandelion

{6.18pm, 8/22/16 in Ilmiah room}

I have just beginning to start writing poems again after 5 years of hiatus. Yes, I know it's nowhere near perfect but I just want to share my piece with you. 

She was pure and innocent

Waving and dancing through the wind 

She never felt happier until a presence worried her

There came rose-red and very breathtaking

People came running and taking pictures with her

Oh how people love her

The once pure charm felt dull and unwanted

She felt dirty standing next to rose

Drooping as low as she can to the ground she thought: 

Then again who would choose a dandelion over a rose? 

                                                                                                                                 by me, Izyan Najwa

A storyteller

I can't stop thinking negative thoughts or "get over it."

It's not that easy. Well, it's easy for you to say because you're not the one having this thoughts.

If it were simple as a flick of a finger, I would get over it. Whatever "it" is. But it's not.

Many people told me to start thinking positive thoughts and be confident in whatever I do. But do they even stop to think that all I need is a willing ear to hear my story?

Dream

I dream a dream that seems surreal.

We were friends again. Nothing was awkward. 

You told me to be careful of some people in my life right now.

Special Sem

Assalamualaikum and hello there.                

I totally forgot about my blog as I was so busy with assignments and midterm. I just want to share about my special sem in Uniten. In case you're wondering, I study at Uniten Muadzam Shah NOT in Bangi. Many people mistaken that. 

To tell you the truth, I was really afraid about special sem

End of Sem 1 (EDITED)

Assalamualaikum and hello there.

On 6 February 2016, I finished my last paper which is Business Computing and it was the last day for semester 1. Woohooo!

My heart was leaping from joy and happiness as I can go home for 3 weeks.

Home is where I belong and I freakin missed Blair so she's the one I looked forward to. 

Don't get me wrong. I was looking forward to meet my family but they picked me up from Uniten because I took all of my stuff there to my home sweet home, so I already met them. The only family member that I didn't get to meet yet is Blair.

Let's talk about my finals.

Nevermind

Assalamualaikum and hello there


Have you ever felt like you tried to be in the conversation and try to act happy and cheerful but they completely ignored you?

Quitting Uitm

Assalamualaikum and hey there peeps!

I quit Uitm yesterday and now I'm back in my home sweet home. Why I quit, you ask? There are a few reasons.

Making A Tough Decision

Hi there, to anyone who's reading this.

So, the picture above is basically my story.

I have to make a decision for myself and not for others. It's time to do what I wanted to do and not listen to other people's whispers of disapproval. Because I am going through this and not them. So, I think they can back off and let me do what I wanted in peace.

Breakfree

Emptiness, sadness-are the things I want to erase from myself.

Breakfree is what you call it. 

"I know how you feel" fucking that. 

You just wanted to stop me from lending your shoulder.