Making A Tough Decision

Hi there, to anyone who's reading this.

So, the picture above is basically my story.

I have to make a decision for myself and not for others. It's time to do what I wanted to do and not listen to other people's whispers of disapproval. Because I am going through this and not them. So, I think they can back off and let me do what I wanted in peace.

I know that I have to "like" what I'm doing right now but honestly, I can't. As much as I wanted to like it, my heart still says no eventhough my mind says yes. I know, it's complicated to understand and truth to be told, I don't understand myself either. I think I have to take a deep breath and selawat and pray to Allah that whatever my decision is, I won't regret like crazy about it and hope everything goes well insyaAllah.

Of course I'll regret it and to think that I have to leave everything here and going to a new environment is kind of scary. Plus, my sister won't be there. Things are going to be harder and I know that. But it's always been my dream and no one can stop it, not even my own dad. Sure, he'll lectured me every minute, every second, every hour and every day when I come home or he'll lectured his disapproval to my mom and to think that she have to go through that, I feel sorry. But thank goodness I got my mom's approval. My dad HATES IPTS or in other words, private University and the reason is he doesn't want his money to be wasted on ipts. He said, "U kerajaan kan ada kenapa nak masuk U swasta?"

I've already told everyone that I'm closed with my dreams and one of that is to enrolled in a private U. I've already applied today and I'll know the results after 3 days. Ya Allah, I pray to You that I can enrolled there. Aminn.

Actually, they called me wanting to know if I wanted to enrolled there or go to ipta and I was like, "hmm.. I'm going to ipta." I was RELUCTANT to say that because I wanted to study there and it's always been a dream of mine. My heart was beating fast when I said those words, not because of scared but because I wanted to scream, "YES! I AGREE TO ENROLLED THERE." At that time my mom told me that it's better if I went to local U because my mom was short on money and my dad didn't want to pay for my expenses if I went to a private U. So I went to Uitm with a reluctant heart with a course that's waaaaayyyy down on my list of choices for courses. Meaning, I didn't want this course but I had to.

And now, I don't give a shit. I want to enrolled in a private U sooo badly that my heart was leaping with joy and excitement, you name it! My mom said there's no turning back. I was like I'm going to be fine, eventhough making friends will be one thing, finding classes on your own(with the help of other people) another thing and catching up to the syllabus will be so damn hard but I know I can do it because this is the course that I wanted and this is the decision that I'm going to make.

Just need to submit some papers and I'm all set, insyaAllah.

I know there are going to be people that are going to labelled me as a quitter but I'm NOT a quitter. It's just I can't go with my current course and the subjects and I know I'll be hating it for the rest of my life. Let's face it, if I take the current course for my life time job I'm never going to like my job and I'll live a crappy life and I don't want that.

I'm sure there's going to be other people for July 2015 intake. I'll make friends, insyaAllah.

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