Turns 20

Assalamualaikum and hello

So, yesterday marks the day I was born. 25 April. First of all, I would like to thank my family and my friends, and my housemates for the birthday wishes (even though no one reads this blog but meh whatever). And thank you Thiviya sbb belanja I hehe. Thank you again and love you guys (even though one of my best friend tk wish? padahal aku wish awal kot birthday yg sorg ni, dh2 la tu balas dendam hahaha. yes, i'm talking to you, qai.)

I don't feel like it's my birthday tho. Maybe because we're too busy to think about finals this 2nd May. And because 20 doesn't feel like an adult. Feels the same every birthday of mine hahaha

Let's hit down memory lane shall we?

I used to be so annoying, laughing way too much on something that's not even funny to others, always thinking negatively about other people and myself, was too skinny and dark, and all that disgusting awful things.

But now, Alhamdulillah I tried to reduce my laughter, think positively about others, have a lighter skin now, and I am proud to say that I have reached my ideal weight of 46kg! Yay me! (susah aku nak naik berat, aku ada fast metabolism). About the annoying part, I think that it is still a trait in me. Hahaha
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This is going to be a letter written from the writer herself.
Here goes nothing:


Dear Writer,
Block your ears even if you can hear them. Throw away the people who hurt you. You are a very special person, indeed. Don't mind the people who said you aren't pretty or beautiful. God has created you perfectly, from head to toe. So please stop complaining. Whoa.

Dearest writer,
You are freakin' jealous of your friends that have more than you? Wishing you were them? Stop it, it's not healthy. Be proud of who you are and don't let anyone guards you down. Allah tells you to be patient. If you obey Him, you'll get the things you want in the hereafter. InsyaAllah.

Writer that has so many problems,
Try to put God first before anyone else. He is your first priority. We have to have fear in our soul, body and mind. Fear to God not fear to human beings. They are nothing compared to Him. 

Writer that has too many insecurities,
Be your motivation as to work harder for the world and the hereafter. I know you cried every night before you go to sleep, and that's fine, but don't let that questions and chants to feel bad about yourself and ashamed for who you are. (Writer: Aku dari dulu lagi malu oii) Whoa. Rahsia ni biarla disimpan seketat-ketatnya. (Writer: BM failed)

Lastly,
Be proud of who you are. Be a very kind daughter to your mom. Jangan jadi anak derhaka okay? Time tu, tiada sapa yang akan ejek hang, sebab hang pandai. Mesti mak hang bangga dengan hang.Oh and another thing, try to think positive and not jump to your stupid conclusions. So you're 20 now. You can start searching for your jodoh lol (Writer: jokes on me). Love yourself, love others. 

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Gosh, I feel naked. It may seem nothing to you but to open up like this is a huge deal to me. I've always put up my walls because I was so afraid to get myself hurt. There are a few people that are willing to break it down and I'm very thankful to them for wanting to know more about me and willing stay with me till this day. Even though I'm never the type to say what I feel, but I truly feel loved and I just wanted to say I love you guys. May our friendship lasts till Jannah, Aminn. I'm blessed.

Tiba-tiba je kan emo malam-malam ni haha. Sekali sekala post about my thoughts.